The Bright Hole: A not so scientific story (Tamara Katzenbach)

Recently I went on a hike. It began with dismal weather: rain pouring down and a canopy of heavy clouds overhead. I could have decided that I could not bear getting soaked all day. Instead I persevered; and when the rain stopped and the sun appeared I felt God’s presence with me. This walk changed my life – at least for that day, and hopefully for many more to come. This turnaround in attitude, and being filled with something greater than myself, reminded me very strongly of St Paul’s conversion. So I shall give him a voice and see what he tells us.

“I, Saul, shall get you for telling us stories about a human person being G?D. As Jews we are not even supposed to say His Name and you say that he was Human! How dare you. I’ll make an end of these stories, and then the Jewish world is back to normal.”

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“And the narrator tells you what happened to me next: On the way to Damascus I am struck by light and hear the voice of Jesus. At least I think that’s what it was. After that I don’t remember much because I passed out and could not see a thing. First this incredibly bright light shone all around me. And then I felt like I was falling, not downwards but upwards, at great speed, and turning on my heels like a hurricane twister at the same time. With all that going on it was hard to distinguish the sound I heard. It certainly was not my imagination: I really heard something, and after a few booms I actually began to understand words. I was asked why I persecute Jesus. No one had ever asked me that before. In a flash I thought about it, but couldn’t come up with a satisfactory answer in the blink of an eye. But I was definitely changed.”

“When I came round again my companions had to take me by the hand to lead me into the city because I could not see. Until then that was the worst thing that ever happened in my sheltered pharisaic life. Being blind like an outcast – what a disgrace!”

“Imagine that: falling down in a plain old thunderstorm, hearing voices, and even going blind from one moment to the next. In the third Millennium I would probably be sent away to live with the mad people. Thankfully my friends didn’t abandon me; so they gently lead me into the city and I stay there, blind for three days. I am so shocked that I do not want to eat, drink or be merry. Thankfully G?D takes pity on me and sends a healer so that I can get my sight back. The only problem is that he is one of those on my black list of enemies of the faith. What a humiliating situation this is. The narrator says that I was praying, but really, if praying means sitting blind in the darkness, being totally helpless and accepting that fact, then that is what I have done. But what a strange prayer that must have been: no liturgy, no words – what is there to say in such a situation? – and I couldn’t even sway back and forth how I normally pray.”

“Then Ananias came and touched me, and my sight returned. I was really grateful, but I also had changed. I now really believed that Jesus had talked to me on the road, and this was an enormous event. I did not want to continue destroying those who were now my brothers and sisters. Instead I wanted to become like them, so I asked to be baptized. Fortunately I had no idea what my life would be like from then onwards.”

“Finally I took up my old job of preaching and teaching, but with a completely new zeal and a completely different focus. That is how I now divide my life: ‘before’ and ‘after’ Damascus. I even changed my name from Saul to Paul. One thing is sure: it never was boring again. I even had to be smuggled out of Damascus early on in my new ministry, otherwise my life would have ended already there and then. That was a real first for a law abiding, respectable Jew like me.”

“I used to think that it was my job as a Pharisee to get rid of anyone who disturbed the purity of our holy faith. But I now read even the parts of the bible that are not so well known – and that IS a revelation. So I find that G?D really loves us personally, and for that purpose He even sent His Son and allowed him to be killed because we human beings are so weak and obstinate. Instead of mistreating people for the sake of ritual purity and regulations I was ordered to learn from Jesus and suffer and love more. G?D is much, much bigger than I ever thought.”

“My friends tell me that my personality has not changed. I still get excited teaching people about the faith, and I love to debate, but now the foreign people who were outside the synagogue are my main addressees. You’d think they would be easy to convince but no, I really have to work hard at that; and there are also the priests breathing down my neck all the time. Even worse, punishments are harsh for giving Good News to the world, and the travelling I need to do is always dangerous. Shipwrecks, torture and flight are now part of my daily life. It ain’t pretty, but I cannot stop. It is too important that as many as possible hear and understand about the great love of G?D for all people and His created world.”

“Just over two thousand years later nobody will care if a crazy preacher stands in the forecourt of a cathedral shouting that Peter Jackson is a new prophet, and The Hobbit our saviour. But that’s a long way off. In the meantime I have to speed up my jog because the Pharisees are after me again.”